Food review: America

Bill and Kristen bought us many delightful treats and I ate most of them so here we goooooo~

TGI Fridays Potato Skins (Cheddar & Bacon)

These start off great, and then get worse the more you eat. They originally taste like Rashuns (which is awesome because Rashuns are awesome) and then after the fifth one they taste like feet. They are not potato skins btw, they are just reconstituted potato like everything else in America.

Rating: 2 stars (4 stars if you only eat a couple)

Burger King Ketchup Chips

I didn't eat these because tomato sauce is gross. They smelled a lot like Tomato Munchos though. Which probably means they are gross. Bill liked these.

Rating: 1 star (estimate)

Doritos: Late Night Taco flavour

These tasted exactly like what they are, which is Doritos that have been dusted with the seasoning sachet you get in an Old El Paso taco or burrito kit. They tasted okay, I guess. Would be easy for non-Americans to replicate.

Rating: 3 stars

Sun Chips

Inferior Grain Waves.

Rating: 3 stars

Peanut Butter M&Ms

I will never understand America's boner for peanut butter. These were the worst M&Ms I have had. They are better than if someone made M&Ms with raisins inside, I guess? They are still M&Ms though. Everyone else seemed to like these for some reason.

Rating: 2.5 stars

Almond M&Ms

Superior Peanut M&Ms. Would eat again.

Rating: 4 stars

Pretzel M&Ms

THESE ROCKED MY WORLD

Rating: 5 stars

Milky Way

I didn't try any of this, but it just seems like a Mars bar without the caramel? How is that good on any planet?

Rating: 2.5 stars (estimate)

Butterfinger

I did try this, but I can't really remember it. It was really chewy? Maybe a wafer or some form of nut at the bottom of it? I dunno I don't remember it being that exciting. Butterfinger is a really unappetizing name btw

Rating: 2.5 stars

Baby Ruth

Again, I think I tried this, but I don't remember it too well. Kind of like a Picnic I think? Maybe this was the chewy one. I do remember this being significantly better than the other ones.

Rating: 4 stars

Soda Review: Day 3 and 4

Coke (Mexican)

We bought this because Coke bottled in Mexico does not contain high fructose corn syrup. Also the bottle was real awesome. The Coke was actually really great. It tasted a bit like Australian Coke that had been slightly watered down. I found this a refreshing taste. It also had an aftertaste of a weird kind of spice at first, but after a few mouthfuls that went away. This was enjoyable to drink even though we drank it at room temperature. I would say it was as good as Australian Coke, but for different reasons.

Rating: 4 stars
Contains HFCS? No

Jarritos (Fruit Punch)

This is Mexican soda we managed to find at the supermarket. This one was fruit punch flavour which seems to be reasonably popular in America. I’m not sure what it’s supposed to taste like, but given the few fruit punch drinks we have had I think what they are going for is cough syrup. I have to say they nail it pretty well. This was much better than the fruit punch Vitamin Water, but I still did not think it was particularly great. I think Shara and Lyndal thought it tasted like sherbert and was okay though.

Rating: 2 stars
Contains HFCS? No

Churrito (Guava)

I thought this flavour was much better. I can’t remember exactly how I would describe the taste now, but I remember quite liking it. Obviously not that memorable though. Shara and Lyndal didn’t like it.

Rating: 3 stars
Contains HFCS? No

Pepsi

Tastes like Australian Pepsi.

Rating: 2 stars
Contains HFCS? Yes

Sweetened Raspberry Nestea

No picture sorry

Shara got this at Carl’s Jr because we had tried all of the other sodas they had and they were disgusting. This was actually reasonably good. Still probably way too sweet and nothing like tea, but better than, say, American Coke. Just really tasted like raspberry cordial.

Rating: 3 stars
Contains HFCS? Probably

Sam Adams Spring Ale

No picture sorry

I really liked this. I am no good at describing beer but it seemed like a pretty light beer with a vaguely spicy flavour? I thought it was real refreshing and one of the best beers I have had. I drank all of the bottles Peter had.

Rating: 5 stars
Contains HFCS? I hope not

Sam Adams Winter Lager

No picture sorry

This was a heavier beer that tasted more chocolatey. I didn’t like it as much because all beers like this (do you call them full beers?) taste kind of like peat to me.

Rating: 2 stars
Contains HFCS? Who knows

Some weird beer Ryan loves

No picture sorry

Ryan wanted me to try this because I said I liked the other beer that was reasonable spicy. This one was way way spicier and full of “cilantro” (lol). It wasn’t horrible, but it also wasn’t particularly nice. Sorry Ryan!

Rating: 2 stars
Contains HFCS? Unknown

Mountain Dew Blue slurpee

No picture sorry

Lyndal got this because she thought it would be the safest slurpee flavour, given that we had already tried the blue Mountain Dew soda. This was totally awful in incredibly varied ways. The main flavour was just sugar but it had an aftertaste that kind of tasted like vomit. Lyndal only bought a tiny cup but she ended up throwing most of it away.

Rating: 1 star
Contains HFCS? Absolutely it does

Diet Dr Pepper

No picture sorry

Bill got a “double gulp” of this, which is 64 ounces (1.9 litres). It cost him like $2. He gave me a taste and it was terrible in ways that defy description. It mostly tasted like American Coke with a bunch of cinnamon thrown into it. Why would someone think that is a good idea for a thing?

Rating: 1 star
Contains HFCS? Yes?

Day 4: We know the way to San Jose

(Lyndal wrote most of this)

I think these dudes here all think I'm a massive nerd, they have all been up and about and I am sitting on the laptop.

Yesterday LACMA was rad, but we only had just over an hour to explore it before we needed to catch a flight, the place was huge and you probably need 2 visits to really see everything but we saw a photographic exhibition and the huge 'broad modern art' building with the longest escalator ever. Webber enjoyed Jeff Koons, he thinks Koons is a troll and is just in it for the lolz.

endlessmike very kindly drove us to the airport despite the weird signage, checking in was bizarre however. This was our first experience with US airport security check in procedures so next time we really need to be more organised. And throw out EMPTY water bottles. In case they have bombs in them?

The flight was the best ever! Less than half full, really short flight and SKYMALL CATALOGUES.
For those who are uninitiated, SkyMall is best summed up by these articles by the famous Bill Hanstock - part one, part two and part three.

Speaking of whom, we are currently residing with Bill, Ryan and Peter (and the gorgeous Bella) and rocking out downtown San Jose.

Peter was making dinner so Bill took us down the road to the 7-11 where we became seriously excited by the vast selection of ice cream sandwiches


Shara and Webber bought 680mL cans of drink for 99¢ and I decided to brave a small Mountain Dew Volt slushee because of all the flavours there it was the least scary ('Gridiron' flavour is too terrifying) but it tasted foul and I just threw it out.
One of the more disgusting looking drinks was 'Tomato and Clam Chowder' and THIS SHOULD NEVER BE AVAILABLE.


Bill also bought a 64 oz (1.9 litre) Double Gulp of Diet Dr Pepper, which should probably also never be available. It tasted awful. Peter made some awesome awesome tandori chicken with chutney and mint and "cilantro" yoghurt, and then we drank beer and discussed ways in which America is unlike Australia.

Food Review: Day 2

Starbucks Bagel

This bagel was awesome! I think maybe because it was mainly full of butter. It tasted exactly like croissants! America does bagels well.

Rating: 4 Stars
Contains MSG? No

Twinkies

Lyndal: An American classic food, I was excited to try this. A major disappointment. The cake was ok, but the mock cream was disgusting. Far sweeter than mock cream I have had in packaged cakes before, and worse than the cream on top of the Jack in the Box shake.

Rating: 1 star
Contains HFCS? Yes
Contains MSG? No

Donettes (Chocolate)

Lyndal: I chose 'frosted' (vs. 'powdered sugar' and the terrifying 'crunchy'), but these tiny donuts were just dipped in weird sort of compound cooking chocolate. The actual donut was on par with a supermarket donut in Australia, Webber said the chocolate coating was also the same. Enjoyable, but very sweet. Only eat one at a time.

Rating: 3 stars
Contains HFCS? No
Contains MSG? No

Pinks Hot Dog (Guacamole)

This was good I got it all over my face!

Rating: 4 Stars - Shara, 5 stars - Lyndal
Contains MSG? Probably not

Chicken Teriyaki

Shara and I got this at the Korean joint we went to for dinner. It came with combination tofu soup, which apparently means tofu soup plus a whole bunch of things you are supposed to put in it including a big ol fish? The chicken teriyaki was real good, there was a whole bunch of chicken and the rice was also good. I didn't really have much of the soup because it was bubbling hot when we got it, and then by the time it had cooled down I had filled up on chicken. The bit I had was nice, but I'm not a huge fan of this falling-apart tofu. The tiny bit of vegies/kimchi I had seemed nice, but I was too full and too scared to try egg and fish. Shara said the chicken was good but she thinks it made her real sick, so she is sad about that. Oh also they served the rice out of stone jars and put hot water in the jars, and then came back ten minutes later and served us hot rice water??? I didn't drink it in case it was secretly for washing your hands or decoration or something. This would have been much easier if Jono and Jo had have taken us to Korean in Sydney first!!

Rating: 4 stars
Contains MSG? No

Dumpling Soup

Lyndal: Same soup as everyone else, there were 3 meat wontons in total which were very tasty. The tofu was the kind I like, very soft like the stuff you get in miso soup. I braved cracking a raw egg into my soup but it kind of just disappeared and melded with all the tofu. Was also given some rice? Anyway this was great, better than wonton soup I have had previously which is usually just clear broth.

Rating: 4 stars
Contains MSG? No

Salad

endlessmike got this one. This was an incredibly huge salad. endlessmike said it was reasonably good, the dressing was apparently quite lemony and tasty. It did just seem to have fancy lettuce, tofu, olives and carrot though? So maybe a bit boring. I am estimating her rating. Lyndal and Shara had some of the tofu in this and said it was not enjoyable. Shara said it was like egg bread covered in sugar.

Rating: 3 stars
Contains MSG? No

Weird Dried Fish Thing

Lyndal: Arrived warm. Picked some flesh off the fish, ended up with a bone stuck in my throat. Meat was tasty enough. Nobody was sure what you were actually meant to do with this guy in relation to the soup.

Rating: 1 star
Contains MSG? No

Day 2: Scientology, sex and bongs

(This was written by Lyndal but Blogger logged her out)

(I am writing this partly from notes I wrote in my written journal because I can't remember this morning)

Happy Inauguration Day!

The official swearing in of the new president was on at 9am EST. We woke up at 10:15am when endlessmike called us, oops.

Shara needed morning carbs and a cup of tea, so I had to go downstairs to the coffee shop in the hotel because there is no kettle in the room, only a coffee maker. Shara actually wanted to buy a kettle so we asked Casey in Indiana who started talking about needing a hotplate? So he is weird, Americans don't understand tea.
Anway I went and bought a toasted bagel and had a mug filled with hot water, I had no idea who and when you tip people so for the $2.70 bagel I tipped $1 because that was what I had in my hand then Webber lol'd at me so we had to check with Kat and that was the wrong thing to do.
Shara had vegemite on her bagel, which was apparently also the wrong thing to do. Also butter in America is white.

Kristen suggested we could head to Hollywood via the Metro subway, Kristen gave us the impression that the Metro is for bums and lesser hobos who cannot afford a car so we were expecting to be shivved on the train but it turns out the subway is far cleaner than any CityRail station in Sydney. Also there are no actual ticket gates so we could've gotten away with not purchasing any tickets (but we ended up buying 2 single tickets each and then realising the tickets were only valid for an hour after purchase, $1.25 per ticket).

Hollywood was....okay.

Lots of old buildings, oh and so many Scientology buildings!! We first walked to the L. Ron Hubbard Life Museum, it was on the map at the Metro which showed all these really important buildings like the Police station and a hospital and nothing else of note. At the museum Shara took a photo of Webber and I in front of a bust of L. Ron Hubbard, while Shara was changing the lens Webber took photos of quotes by Nicole Kidman and Kate Cebrano and the dude at the desk asked where we were from, I was amazed he didn't try and test our thetans.

Then we passed a shop that only sold Dianetics in multiple languages, and a woman came out and tried to rope us in.
Thirdly we came up to a museum that appeared to have an exhibition called 'Psychiatry: An Industry of Death' but turns out that is the name of the whole place! It's made by the Citizens Commision on Human Rights which is just owned by Scientology anyway.


Went to a Jack in the Box, review later.
Popped by a "drug store", this was a bizarre experience because there was a massive range of brands and products for each ailment. Sorry America, but you don't need 40 different types of paracetamol/Tylenol. Also YOU SHOULDN'T SELL BEER AND WINE IN A PHARMACY. EVER.

Oh shit! I had to come back and say bong shops a-plenty on Hollywood Blvd! There were some amazing ones like a 6 foot perspex bong you would need to stand on a ladder to use.


Anyway Hollywood was weird and we were tired so we just went back to the hotel and dicked around until endlessmike met us after work and we went for Korean at Tofu House.
We had never ordered the crazy stuff we were served, which included a whole cooked fish, but full review later!

We have just switched channels and there is an amazing looking court show called 'Eye for an Eye' and the judge has a BASEBALL BAT OF JUSTICE, omg!

At the end of the meal Shara suggested I check out the toilets and they didn't disappoint! They were decorated in all green and had automatic soap dispenser, water and paper towel. Also, mouthwash dispenser!!
Anyway at the end of the meal Alicia joined us, and we piled into her dad's massive truck (you could fit approx. 10 dead bodies in there, however it's up for debate) and headed up to the observatory which was totally rad. Here is Alicia's truck with me being sexy for scale:


We saw a coyote! The view of the city was beautiful.

The building was great too.


Also we saw a Tesla coil in action, and met Einstein

And just to prove we met these 2 ladies here is a photo of us with Alicia that endlessmike took!

Next up Alicia drove us to Jon's supermarket where we found amazing things like Kookies cereal but we couldn't find pulpy orange juice that came in a container less than 2L. We bought more drinks for review, including Mexican Coke that we hope will be more similar to Australian.
I needed to buy a glue stick for my journal, but Alicia and endlessmike advised me I would need to go to a pharmacy for this. OF COURSE. Also you can buy $480 tequila at the supermarket.

BLUE RASPBERRY

COOKIE CEREAL (note multiple brands)

PARFAIT IN A TUB

HUGE TIN OF NESQUIK

Before finishing for the night we went to Pink's hot dog stand where Alicia waited in line for about 15min for a guacamole dog which Shara ate half of.

Now it is somehow 2am and we gotta sleep! Tomorrow is art museums, hell yea!

Soda Review: Day 2

Dasani Water (with "minerals")

I bought this partly because I really needed to drink something that didn't have sugar in it, and partly because I really needed to poo at the place we bought this from and I assume since you have to ask to go to the toilet at all fast food joints that is so they can tell you to buy something or get out? Anyway I am reviewing this because according to the label this is not just water, it is water that they added salt and a bunch of other shit to. For "flavor". The Coca Cola Company, ladies and gentlemen. Anyway this tasted the same as tap water so I would give it three stars (the star rating chilled tap water gets), but I took off a star because I am creeped out that they ADDED SALT TO BOTTLED WATER IN ORDER TO MAKE IT MORE APPETISING TO AMERICANS. Oh ps this bottle of water cost more than any soda on their menu.

Rating: 2 stars
Contains HFCS? Not according to the label but if they add salt to their water WHO KNOWS???

Starbucks Mocha Frappuccino

Lyndal bought this at the supermarket last night.
I am a huge fan of the coffee drinks in a can you can get from Asian grocery shops, like Mr. Brown, that are cold, milky, sugary coffee. This is how I tend to drink coffee anyway, so this thing looked great, but it didn't fail to meet America sweetness standards.
I couldn't finish it, even after trying to drink it in 2 sittings, this was far sweeter than any Asian coffee drink.

Rating: 2 stars
Contains HFCS? No

Jack In The Box Pomegranate Berry Smoothie

We made Lyndal get this because we thought it looked pretty interesting, and the most refreshing on the menu. It was pretty scary. It was way too sweet, like if you got a boost juice and then added seven tablespoons of sugar. I couldn't really taste the pomegranate either, it was mostly just berry. Reasonably refreshing though, if way too sweet.

Rating: 3 stars
Contains HFCS? Probably

Jack In The Box Chocolate Shake (with Whip)

After the success of yesterday's shake we thought we would see if this one was as good. I didn't like it quite as much as the Fatburger shake, but it still delivered the goods in a way that Australian shakes cannot. Still really chocolatey and thick. This one had whip on top though, which was totally crazy. I don't eat cream anyway but according to Shara and Lyndal this was mock cream, which is just butter and sugar. There was also a huge amount of it. They ate it but weren't happy about the situation. If we were to order any more shakes on this trip it would definitely be sans cream. The drink you see in the picture was a large, which we could not finish between the two of us. I felt sick for a reasonable time period afterwards. Great shake though.

Rating: 4 stars
Contains HFCS? Probably

Here is Lyndal with some drinks:

Food Review: Day 1

Doritos: Spicy Nacho

I fuckin love Doritos, but I haven't really enjoyed them in Australia for a little while because there is only one good flavour (Nacho Cheese). America has rekindled my love for Doritos via the Spicy Nacho. The Dorito base tastes pretty much the same as the Australian version, but the flavour is great. Just hot enough to be tasty, without being so hot that it is uncomfortable to eat without a drink (I am pretty wussy when it comes to spicyness). Lyndal said they were okay but she would not buy them again. Lyndal is weird though. Recommended.

Rating: 4 stars
Contains MSG? Yes (also HFCS)

Ruffles: Sour Cream and Onion

Message to American chip makers: if you change the flavour to "Sour Cream and Chives" it sounds fancier and you can charge more. Shara was real excited about Ruffles because apparently you used to be able to get them in Australia but now you cannot. I was ambivalent about them because they seemed no different from Smiths/Bluebird chips in Australia/New Zealand. I was right. They were a pleasing size and had a good crunch I guess, but they just taste like regular potato chips. A solid chip, but nothing worth coming to America for. However I did like that they are "ruffled" (sounds cute), and also the packet opened really pleasingly, like it was really easy to open and gave way perfectly in the middle with no rips. Doesn't that packet look like it's out of the chip ad? For that I gave it an extra star.

Rating: 3 stars
Contains MSG? Yes

Cheetos: Flaming Hot

I haven't eaten these yet but Kat told me about them and I am real excited. When I eat Hot Cheetos I get crazy!!!! Review forthcoming whenever I finish these other chips and get hungry.

Fatburger: Hot Wings

No picture sorry

Ten wings for $5, which was way too much food to eat. These were pretty tasty, but were a little bit hot for me to handle. I got through seven of them but had to stop because my mouth was too hot but all the drinks we had were gross. Shara tried one but didn't really like it. The wings were covered in hot sauce and they also gave me a gigantic sachet of ranch dressing to go with it. I threw that out. I want to give these 3.5 stars but I don't want to get too granulated with my ratings so this gets a four.

Rating: 4 stars
Contains MSG? Probably

Fatburger: Fat Burger

No picture sorry

Shara had this. She said it was okay. She didn't really like the bun, it was just too stale. She is real tired so she can't be more specific than that.

Rating: 2 stars
Contains MSG? Unknown

Fatburger: Turkey Burger

No picture sorry

Lyndal got this.
What up Lyndal here, I ordered the turkey burger (sandwich?) with cheese and 'everything' which turned out to mean with weird gherkin/pickle stuff that I just scraped off.
The bun was an unsettling dark brown colour, possibly just coloured with molasses because it didn't taste any different to a normal white bun. The meat patty also didn't taste much different to a beef patty, but certainly not like a chicken burger.

Rating: 2 stars
Contains MSG? Unknown

Fatburger: Chips

No picture sorry

They have regular french fries at Fatburger and also chunky Anglo-style chips. The chunky ones are huge and are far superior. Really good. The thin ones were soggy and dull.

Rating: 4 stars for chunky, 2 stars for thin
Contains MSG? Probably

Soda Review: day 1

Mountain Dew: Voltage

This is apparently one of several varieties of Mountain Dew has released, that dew drinkers can vote on and only one will remain in the end. This one is "charged with raspberry citrus flavor and ginseng". It has low sodium which is encouraging! I hate it when my soda is full of salt.

I have no idea why this is all blue if it supposed to be raspberry flavour? I guess green + red = blue? Does that work? I dunno but anyway this tastes as artificial as it looks. Hard to pin down the smell and flavour but it definitely contains raspberry. Sort of if you combined that weird raspberry soft drink you can get at Burger King sometimes combined with that weird bubblegum flavour soft drink companies seem to like. Lyndal thinks it tastes like Zooper Doopers. It's okay, it doesn't have that weird aftertaste that most other American soda seems to have. I haven't tried US Mountain Dew but this isn't as good as the Australian version. Probably contains one million percent more caffiene though!

Rating: 3 stars
Contains HFCS? Yes

Coca Cola

The bottles in America are really weird! They are a lot shorter and fatter, they look pretty cute. The caps are also really short for some reason. I wonder if they have a greater propensity to fall off than the Australian caps?

Anyway to get to the nutmeat, Coke in America tastes absolutely awful. It tastes like Australian Vanilla Coke, which I hate. It has some sort of really weird flavour that goes along with the Coke. Maybe nutty? Lyndal reckons it tastes like it is full of almonds which sounds about right. Anyway I do not want to drink nutty soda!! Is it the high fructose corn syrup that does this? Lyndal drank the whole thing and reckons that it got better as she went along but I was not tempted to go back to the bottle. Terrible. Thumbs down America!

Rating: 1 star
Contains HFCS? Yes

Vitamin Water: Fruit Punch

Shara bought this because it was the only beverage in the supermarket that had cane sugar rather than HFCS. Anyway it was terrible. Even Kristen who is a big Vitamin Water fan mentioned that this is the worst flavour. It smells and tastes like really bad cherry-flavoured cough syrup. I hate cherry to begin with (I don't understand the American/Australian fascination with the horrible fake cherry flavour that is in everything) but Shara and Lyndal who are exceedingly pro-cherry panned this too. It tastes like a cross between Powerade and something that I can't quite put my finger on. Also the label says it contains less than one percent of fruit juice. Why would you advertise this? Anyway this is bad. Avoid.

Rating: 1 star
Contains HFCS? No

Fatburger Chocolate Shake

Lyndal got this from Fatburger when we went for dinner because the soda was all so weird. Anyway this was great! It was huge and only like three dollars and totally chocolatey and thick. Americans know how to do milkshakes! I might just eat shakes in America. Delicious.

Rating: 5 stars
Contains HFCS? Probably

Sprite

No picture sorry

We got this from the fountain at Fatburger. We had already come to the conclusion that American Coke is totally weird and not to be trusted so I thought Sprite would be a solid alternative. I was mostly wrong. You know how Australian Sprite tastes when you make ice with really weird tasting tap water and then have a glass full of Sprite and ice and all the ice melts and so it tastes like Sprite but with a really weird aftertaste? American Sprite tastes like that ALL THE TIME. So weird. Not sure if this is because they put too much water in the fountain at Fatburger or what. Anyway not as bad as Coke, but I would still choose water over this.

Rating: 2 stars
Contains HFCS? Yes

Nestea (Unsweetened)

No picture sorry

After we had the Sprite we refilled with this. We were hoping that since it isn't soda at all it would be less weird. This was just weird in a totally different way. Nestea is just unsweetened cold Earl Grey tea. That's it. I was assuming it would be like peach or lemon flavoured or something, but nope. Just cold black tea. Kristen said you could put some sugar in it yourself but then it would be cold black tea with sugar granules at the bottom of it. Delicious! Oh wait I mean disgusting. WHY IS THIS A FOUNTAIN OPTION??? IS THIS WHY YOU AMERICANS HATE TEA SO MUCH? The only upside is that since it is cold tea it was reasonably refreshing, if totally gross.

Rating: 1 star
Contains HFCS? No

Day 1: AWAKE

Hey dudes what up?

We are all awake at 10:00 pm because we unadvisedly went to sleep at 7:00 pm. It was dark! I'm still real tired tho. Anyway this is what has happened oh WAIT an ad for Burn Notice is on! OK Now I blog but don’t forget that nothing turns a woman on like something that goes boom! Oh man I think I just broke the ridiculous coffee machine! I once read an article in Bitch and it said that tea was not worth discussing because it was only drunk by the British or something. So fittingly there is no kettle in the hotel room ONLY A COFFEE MAKER!! What the hell is that? I am trying to get it to make me some hot water that doesn’t have coffee residue in it and that doesn’t smell or taste like coffee. So far this is impossible so the most important question is SHOULD I BUY A CHEAP KETTLE AND TAKE IT WITH ME? Drinking tea is imperative especially in cold weather!! You can get two tacos a burger and chips for $3!! my god!!

There are many many unsecured networks and all of them are terrible! Anyway so we went to the airport with Lyndal’s mum. Webber insisted we go the way we normally go to avoid tolls but Lyndal’s mum is a toll lover and this saddened her, also it took longer. Can you really master beauty in motion? We got to airport a bit late and stood in line. Lyndal decided to put this hilarious wire contraption on her bag. This took possibly 15 mins and it was greatly amusing I have much photographic evidence but I dunno if I can get if off my iboner yet.



So when we checked in was when we have the first of our many problems. I had brought a copy of my visa waiver application but Lyndal had not and Webber had brought my application number printed out because he thought it was his. The lady checking us in informed them that we wouldn’t be able to get into America without these ridiculous application numbers. Lyndal rang her dad to get her number but Webber didn’t notice that he had my number until we had checked in so we spent the whole trip (22 hours) worrying that we wouldn’t get into America at all. Guess what happened when we arrived? They just made us fill in the old school paper forms. They didn’t even ask us if we had applied online and they certainly didn’t expect us to remember the numbers because they are unable to look them up in their computer system! Way to go Pacific Air lady! Anyway then we changed money and everyone got real surly (not me tho!). We ate $8.50 rolls and Lyndal’s contained black plastic hell yeh! We got the GST back for this computer and it was annoying too. We got on the plane and it was all pretty cute wait I didn’t mean to say that. Webber had never been on a full service international flight so he wasn’t aware of the disgusting plane food that was awaiting him! Wow there is some intense show about getting married to a nude model on, the mums are crying and telling their sons which nudie model to marry. So we ate quick a bit of creepy food oh man wait this lady on tv chose this weight loss drugs because it is FDA approved um how can you take it if it isn’t? We took some great photo that show our youth and enthusiasm for travelling and being foxy.




We just purchased ten minute sexy hotel legs. It was free but it will get us a strong six pack. Lyndal is watching this whilst drinking American coke (disgusting) and eating spicy nachos Doritos. Anyway this was all cool. Then we got to Fiji, where it was insanely hot and we had to wait four hours to get the plane to LA. This was insane! By the time we got on the plane we were so tired and so hot! Then we were totally unable to get to sleep for the next 10 hours! Yay!



We landed in LA and we major form problems because Pacific Air employees are crazy and do not understand how immigration or air travel work. So we eventually went through the surliest customs and immigration experience ever. Everything was pretty quick but bizarrely then getting out of the airport is extremely difficult! We stood outside and realised it was going to be impossible to find Kristen so Webber went to call her. Immediately after he left we found Kristen in the crowd. Then we had to find Webber. An earthy elderly Obama supporter tried to crack onto me, which is always nice when you look terrible as you have been awake for a day. Then Webber came back and he almost bought Cinnabon but luckily he didn’t have to. We all went to Kristen’s car and on the way we saw A POLICE OFFICER ON A SEGWAY! AMAZING! I wanted to take a photo of him but I thought I might get tasered! They play loops of pointless information all over the airport so in that way it is like Japan, except we can understand the recordings and there are not fun.


Then we went to the hotel and that was cool endlessmike called us and said she is going to hang out with us tomorrow hel yeh you jealous suckas? The most exciting thing happened then as went to the supermarket WHICH IS THE BEST PLACE. The wonders of the supermarket were huge. We brought lots of weird food they had red bananas! Everything may have salmonella on it (EXCITING) umm you can buy a lot of pre-packaged vegetables!!




Oh apparently whilst we were sleeping I randomly said hey we’re in America and everyone is laughing at me but this is a true statement said whilst sleeping! Apparently I said something about peppermills but Lyndal is kinda 420ed. Man I am concerned about this talking in my sleep! What if I tell everyone the combination to my sexy safe?

OK so we bought many drinks and they WERE ALL GROSS! Webber will update about them shortly. We ate a fat burger and it was scary so I think I am going to give up on food and only drink liquid food like milkshakes. We bought a cell phone so you can call us if you like it is +1 (323) 314-4965. Don’t text us unless you need to tell us something AMAZING because it costs us 25 cents to receive texts also calls I think WHAT KIND OF SYSTEM IS THIS? Um I can’t remember anything else marvel at our photos.