Soda Review: Day 5

Olde English

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This is the malt liquor I bought. I picked up a 40 ounce (1.2 litre) bottle for about $2.70. The alcohol content was about 8%, so it must have had at least eight standard drinks in it. For $2.70. I thought it would taste disgusting but it really tastes exactly the same as any non-fancy Australian beer. But with twice the alcohol content. And it costs $2.70. If they sold this in Australia I would drink it exclusively. Well done America.

Rating: 4 stars (5 stars when factoring in price)
Contains HFCS? Unknown

In-n-Out Chocolate Shake

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This tasted okay, but it wasn’t very chocolatey at all. It tasted more like a vanilla shake. Nothing wrong with it though.

Rating: 3 stars
Contains HFCS? Probably

In-n-Out Neopolitan Shake

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This is supposed to be vanilla, chocolate and strawberry, but really it just tasted like strawberry. I kind of hate the artificial flavour in strawberry milkshakes so I didn’t like this much. Take note: this is part of the ‘secret’ menu at In-n-Out! You have to know about it to order it.

Rating: 2 stars
Contains HFCS? Probably

Soda Review: Day 3 and 4

Coke (Mexican)

We bought this because Coke bottled in Mexico does not contain high fructose corn syrup. Also the bottle was real awesome. The Coke was actually really great. It tasted a bit like Australian Coke that had been slightly watered down. I found this a refreshing taste. It also had an aftertaste of a weird kind of spice at first, but after a few mouthfuls that went away. This was enjoyable to drink even though we drank it at room temperature. I would say it was as good as Australian Coke, but for different reasons.

Rating: 4 stars
Contains HFCS? No

Jarritos (Fruit Punch)

This is Mexican soda we managed to find at the supermarket. This one was fruit punch flavour which seems to be reasonably popular in America. I’m not sure what it’s supposed to taste like, but given the few fruit punch drinks we have had I think what they are going for is cough syrup. I have to say they nail it pretty well. This was much better than the fruit punch Vitamin Water, but I still did not think it was particularly great. I think Shara and Lyndal thought it tasted like sherbert and was okay though.

Rating: 2 stars
Contains HFCS? No

Churrito (Guava)

I thought this flavour was much better. I can’t remember exactly how I would describe the taste now, but I remember quite liking it. Obviously not that memorable though. Shara and Lyndal didn’t like it.

Rating: 3 stars
Contains HFCS? No

Pepsi

Tastes like Australian Pepsi.

Rating: 2 stars
Contains HFCS? Yes

Sweetened Raspberry Nestea

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Shara got this at Carl’s Jr because we had tried all of the other sodas they had and they were disgusting. This was actually reasonably good. Still probably way too sweet and nothing like tea, but better than, say, American Coke. Just really tasted like raspberry cordial.

Rating: 3 stars
Contains HFCS? Probably

Sam Adams Spring Ale

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I really liked this. I am no good at describing beer but it seemed like a pretty light beer with a vaguely spicy flavour? I thought it was real refreshing and one of the best beers I have had. I drank all of the bottles Peter had.

Rating: 5 stars
Contains HFCS? I hope not

Sam Adams Winter Lager

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This was a heavier beer that tasted more chocolatey. I didn’t like it as much because all beers like this (do you call them full beers?) taste kind of like peat to me.

Rating: 2 stars
Contains HFCS? Who knows

Some weird beer Ryan loves

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Ryan wanted me to try this because I said I liked the other beer that was reasonable spicy. This one was way way spicier and full of “cilantro” (lol). It wasn’t horrible, but it also wasn’t particularly nice. Sorry Ryan!

Rating: 2 stars
Contains HFCS? Unknown

Mountain Dew Blue slurpee

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Lyndal got this because she thought it would be the safest slurpee flavour, given that we had already tried the blue Mountain Dew soda. This was totally awful in incredibly varied ways. The main flavour was just sugar but it had an aftertaste that kind of tasted like vomit. Lyndal only bought a tiny cup but she ended up throwing most of it away.

Rating: 1 star
Contains HFCS? Absolutely it does

Diet Dr Pepper

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Bill got a “double gulp” of this, which is 64 ounces (1.9 litres). It cost him like $2. He gave me a taste and it was terrible in ways that defy description. It mostly tasted like American Coke with a bunch of cinnamon thrown into it. Why would someone think that is a good idea for a thing?

Rating: 1 star
Contains HFCS? Yes?

Day 6: Gay news

We woke up v. tired and Ryan drove us to San Francisco Airport. The airport was pretty great and Shara and Lyndal got cracked onto by a jovial elderly TSA employee. Our flight to Las Vegas got delayed like five times and then ended up departing at the scheduled time anyway. The flight was amazing! It was on Virgin America which I think is pretty new so they had this plane with great entertainment facilities. You could play Doom on the headrest! So I did that while Shara slept and Lyndal probably listened to Jack Johnson or something. The woman in front of us was thinking about paying $7 to watch Beverly Hills Chihuahua on the plane. The in-flight review gave it four stars! Amazing. Anyway the flight only went for an hour or so which was pretty enjoyable.

By the time we got out of the airport and had caught a shuttle to our hotel it was like 5:30. The shuttle company was ridiculous and said that for a 6:55am flight we would have to be picked up at 4:00am, which would mean that we would have to wake up at about 3. This combined with the fact that we got little sleep in San Jose meant it was unfeasible to go to a show in Las Vegas, which was a shame. The hotel room was pretty great though. We stayed in the Stratosphere which has a McDonald’s INSIDE THE HOTEL! LOL America. Our room gave us a pretty great view of the big ol’ tower outside the hotel and various billboards advertising strippers and such. The toilet was also pretty great, it flushed real powerful like we were on a plane or our waste was being jettisoned into space. There was no way my poo was getting away. On the way to get dinner Lyndal played the slots and won $2.50 from an investment of $1. Sucked in casino! Lyndal tried to get me lost in Las Vegas but luckily I figured out where we were going. We saw some dudes in wedding gear taking glamour photos outside the casino, which was pretty classy.

After dinner Shara slept, Lyndal wrote about boys in her diary and I took a mega relaxing bath and finished the first of my seven books. We went to bed at like 9 o’clock. Pretty boring night in Las Vegas, sorry dudes!

Day 5: You gotta live your life

We woke up late in San Jose since we were up until 2am. Bill had to get up at 5am though and Ryan and Peter went to pump some iron in the morning. When they got back we all went to lunch and then to supermarkets, which is our favourite activity. We went to Trader Joe’s first which everyone seems to recommend so I thought would have the most normal food, but it was still real real weird. We bought a bunch of supplies and then Lyndal and Shara went to Safeway. I’m not sure how weird that experience turned out to be.

When we got home Shara and Lyndal made the Americans some caramel slice, since slices don’t exist in America (WTF), and Peter and I went to go buy some beer, and then drank as much of a 40 of malt liquor as we could (review forthcoming).

In the evening we all drove to San Francisco in two cars (Bill and Ryan have tiny cars) to see Aziz Ansari. This time Bill did not get lost once! He did get yelled at by a surly San Franciscan though, I thought they were meant to be friendly? I am disillusioned! Anyway the show was great. Wes and his girlfriend Lisa met us at the show, which was awesome. When we got seated we looked over and noticed that Eugene Mirman was just chillin by the bar. Bill talked to him and it turned out he was just “welp, maybe I’ll warm up the show”, so we got to see two great comedians for real cheap. We got to see Nick Kroll too, although I had never heard of him. Lyndal was confounded and enraged by the concept of a two drink minimum. I just got drunk instead. After the show we gave Aziz a bottle of Lift we had brought from Australia because he mentioned in his blog that he loves it. When he saw us waiting with it in the line he got real excited and kind of ignored the dudes in front of us. We then had some group photoz at historic location 1 Maritime Plaza (not historic) and then Bill got lost several times on the way back to the car (Bill is hilarious). We went to Fisherman’s Wharf and proceeded to go to a souvenir store and spend all our time picking out marijuana-related merchandise and saying “hey Lyndal, you want this”. We are pretty funny. We split up again to drive home. Lyndal and Shara went with Peter and Ryan to drive very fast up and down San Francisco’s hills, and I went with Bill, Wes and Lisa to drop them home and fill up with petrol. Petrol stations in America let you pay at the pump and include that latch on the nozzle that means you don’t have to stand there holding the trigger like a chump. Take note Australia!

Lisa and Wes came back to San Jose to rock out and eat caramel slice. We did not get much sleep on this night either!

Day 4: We know the way to San Jose

(Lyndal wrote most of this)

I think these dudes here all think I'm a massive nerd, they have all been up and about and I am sitting on the laptop.

Yesterday LACMA was rad, but we only had just over an hour to explore it before we needed to catch a flight, the place was huge and you probably need 2 visits to really see everything but we saw a photographic exhibition and the huge 'broad modern art' building with the longest escalator ever. Webber enjoyed Jeff Koons, he thinks Koons is a troll and is just in it for the lolz.

endlessmike very kindly drove us to the airport despite the weird signage, checking in was bizarre however. This was our first experience with US airport security check in procedures so next time we really need to be more organised. And throw out EMPTY water bottles. In case they have bombs in them?

The flight was the best ever! Less than half full, really short flight and SKYMALL CATALOGUES.
For those who are uninitiated, SkyMall is best summed up by these articles by the famous Bill Hanstock - part one, part two and part three.

Speaking of whom, we are currently residing with Bill, Ryan and Peter (and the gorgeous Bella) and rocking out downtown San Jose.

Peter was making dinner so Bill took us down the road to the 7-11 where we became seriously excited by the vast selection of ice cream sandwiches


Shara and Webber bought 680mL cans of drink for 99¢ and I decided to brave a small Mountain Dew Volt slushee because of all the flavours there it was the least scary ('Gridiron' flavour is too terrifying) but it tasted foul and I just threw it out.
One of the more disgusting looking drinks was 'Tomato and Clam Chowder' and THIS SHOULD NEVER BE AVAILABLE.


Bill also bought a 64 oz (1.9 litre) Double Gulp of Diet Dr Pepper, which should probably also never be available. It tasted awful. Peter made some awesome awesome tandori chicken with chutney and mint and "cilantro" yoghurt, and then we drank beer and discussed ways in which America is unlike Australia.