Cementville, IN

We are seriously staying in a town called Cementville (or 'Concreteville' as Shara and Ro have called it), we were in Louisville, KY and had to leave the state just to find a hotel because everyone has no power and is taking up our cheap hotel rooms.

Anyway hi we are not dead!

Ok so there hasn't really been a proper post since the 28th and even though that is only a few days ago many things have happened! Will try to summarise in point form however I kind of feel like I am drunk at the moment and my head is spinning? That's upsetting.

+ Left NYC, took forever just to get out because of weird streets and people just driver however the fuck they like. Webber did exceptionally well at driving a backwards car on the wrong side of the road.
+ Drove straight to Maryland (missed the Mütter Museum in Philadelphia, boo) and stayed with Ro's friend Susan who has a totally awesome and cute house and she was lovely and we all want to live near Washington DC now
+ Went to medical museum in Washington which was AWESOME!! But not enough body partz.
+ Met the handsome Kyle Daly in DC after a car tour with Susan, walked everywhere and when we came back to Susan's car discovered it had been towed!!
+ Said goodbye to Kyle (who was far too cool to give us hugs) and caught the metro back to get our car. Had hugs from Susan. She gave me bacon shaped band-aids.
+ Drove to somewhere outside Pittsburgh, hotel was $70 (incl. tax) for the room with free wifi and breakfast! You even made your own waffles!!
+ Woke up to FALLING SNOW. I immediately got dressed and ran outside to see this for the first time in my life, it's pretty amazing guys.
+ Drove to Harrisburg, PA and met Shara's friend Dee at Red Robin which had BOTTOMLESS CHIPS with your meal. God Bless America! Also if you had a bottomless drink the waitress brought you a new full one without having to ask!
+ All went to Wal-Mart, turns out our Wal-Mart virginity was broken at the same one where Shara's was 8 years ago.
+ Wal-Mart is insane
+ Drove to Monroe, OH to see 'Touchdown Jesus'. Ro found directions first by twittering and asking and getting multiple detailed replies, then asked a (likely) Christian couple if we were near 'touchdown jesus', not realising that it wasn't the official name for the statue and offending them slightly
+ Today drove to Louisville, KY and met Jon Bois, Daniel Chase Peach and Will at the local Arby's. Learned that they only see roast beef = RB = Arby's.
+ Walked around, missed out on the BASEBALL BAT MUSEUM, also missed out on seeing Col. Sander's grave because of the snow, ate sweet pies

Tomorrow driving back to Louisville and seeing those dudes again (try and see the giant bat) then on to Indianapolis to rock out with Casey and have an all-nerds Superbowl/LAN party

In important Lyndal news my phone has decided it won't charge anymore unless i charge it in the car and I have developed a weird fine rash around my eyes that is neither painful or itchy just creepy. I refuse to believe it's the 10% peroxide I am coating my face in at night so I'm still using it, as I never put it near my eyes.

Oh yeah and Webber turned onto a major road and went on the wrong side, but it was the second time he's done it (did it leaving Red Robin) but this time it was at night with lots of cars so that was scary! But to be fair he is real sick and tired and left turns are really disorienting.

Likely forgotten important things and we have many food reviews to catch up on but it's nearly midnight so bed time and enjoy this photo of everyone giving John Stewart the finger

BAMF

I updated this so get to it! There are more to add BUT I am grumpy now! Today we drove on the wrong side of the road for the first time! It was pretty scary for us and everyone else on the motorway!!

msnbc and feet

Tv in the motel..

Pies

I don't need to say anything

?????

Remember how Sydney is really smooth?? Well yeah there is a shampoo
for that!??!!

Smiling

This cat is hilarious!!

Gunz

There was one for about $107 USD!! Should we have bought it??

I got shiny ballz

U jealous???

joy

shara: "Man, i can't believe i met other people with flat hair!!"

o hai

o hai. well these australasians are hatin' on NYC because it's not 20C. yesterday was sunny and they went to the shut MoMA and I went to the open Chinatown and fotc places and took lotssss of picturez but i haven't got a computer to put them on so i'll upload when i get back to england. it was p great. after we didnt get in to that television programme x 2 and had delicious dinner, i met my friend patricia who took me to a street just made of korean. so all the writing was in korean and you could buy dumpling wrappers and bean paste and dog clothes. I was taking a picture of the dog clothes and a shop woman came and talked to me so I had to pretend i had a dog. It is 20lbs. That was her estimate that i agreed with.

I havent slept in a long time and now i have a fever and im sitting in the foyer of the MoMA while they go round and i've got webber's computer which is shiny but fortunately not rained upon. a homeless person asked me the time and all i could provide was australian time so he was not too impressed.

I'm drinking Diet Snapple because liz lemon advertises snapple, and diet because the non-diet is all HFCS. This sort is full of phenylanaline which is a delicious neurotoxin. I miss fruit and vegetables.


oh look it's the foyer in the MoMA. i'm p sure this is not useful for anything. A guy next to me is talking german. Er hofft, dass das Wetter ganz nett ist. Tschuess!

Day 9: We did nothing all day and we're exhausted

New York is real cold so I am not down with that, however my hair looks FANTASTIC when i wear a beanie so that's great. Also Shara and I seem to be growing more hair which is highly distressing, everyone pointed out that I appear to be growing hair on my face (despite the fact I am taking medication that treats hirsutism) and maybe the hair is only light in colour because I've been coating my face in heavy duty peroxide. My face is currently burning.

Anyway yesterday Shara didn't mention one of the most amusing parts of the day when Ro had us all walk to see Law & Order being filmed (yeah we dunno) and some dude who was part of the production team started talking to us. They were repeatedly filming a few cars driving a few metres, and this dude (whose job appeared to be to shout "rolling" and "cut" after others had yelled it) tried to work his hilarious charms on us, joking that "it'd be great if, instead hitting the brake, he hits the gas".....and stating this 3 times.

We ran away and ate pizza as big as our heads after that. I was getting real tired and surly.

What happened after that? Oh! The American Museum of Natural History which was really crazy and had free entry if we waited 20min to get in but dudes needed to use the toilet so we all paid $5 each which seemed to puzzle the dude in the ticket booth.
Saw lots of space and then animals, I really perked up when I saw the jellyfish and worms. Webber became real sad because it didn't appear to have any dinosaurs but then we found them! Hooray! Happy Webber.

Went to bed at 10pm!

Today was a really dumb day however. Essentially everything started out surly, then Ro went to find Flight of the Conchords places in the south and Shara, Webber & I went to MoMA which was the one thing I wanted to see in New York.

It is closed every Tuesday!

The stores were still open (TWO STORES) so we spent far too much money.

Met Ro in Soho to go to a pizza place Peter had recommended, slightly disappointing and the woman serving us was mega surly.

Then we rushed to get into the Daily Show taping and arrived at 4pm then at 4:30pm we were told the Daily Show was full but that they had spaces at Colbert Report, which is what Shara and Webber preferred anyway. So we ran, we RAN to the other place and waited until 6pm in the standby line only to be told we couldn't get in. I was very loud and indignant. I did say something along the lines of "THIS COUNTRY IS THE WORST" as we stormed off.

But then we all had a great dinner and dessert in a pub and warmed up. We were so freakin' cold Shara actually has a cold burn on her side!

Apparently it's going to snow tonight! I am excited for snow, but not excited for us picking up the hire car and crashing and dying.

Also no photos in this post because we didn't take any!

Lyndal got this

How cuet

Double photo cliché

He's cuet

We dunno either!!

People break this rule constantly!

Look at this hottie!

This is how many people it takes to

arrest the poo bandit

lyndal telling us House is wrong

Everyone is asleep but Ro and I!!!

WAIT! There is an ad on and it features a female lawyer who needs to go the toilet urgently and she is on TRIAL now for doing so. TAKE SOME DRUGS FOOL!! Gosh I cannot describe this ridiculous ad well enough! Wait now there is an ad about the terrible discrepancies in living conditions in America and it is suggesting that you buy a lottery ticket if you are poor! Good idea! OK photos are you sick of them? I dunno if I will fix them up? Sorry there is SO MUCH POSTING!

I think I might just put them on Flickr as there as A LOT!!! I have to update my pro account soon!

I show you some here tho. Gosh why does it put the pictures at the top! Anyway we are watching FOTC and they are singing a song about their sexy bitz and Ro said it will give her nice dreams tonight should we be worried y/n?

Sleeptalking update 2

Shara: "mmhm, mhmm. That's racist."

Update

Hey dudes we are pretty sure that someone did a poop out the front of
our hotel door, pretty smelly the police are here anyway. I have
opened the window and that is pretty fresh believe you me

iPhone suckas

What children in Las Vegas think of Sydney

I took these I have fixed them a little bit but they still a bit sad :( PS4 is crazy to use!! I have more to post laterz!

This is Peter's tiny bike! Look at Webber's face

Peter is happy!

It was really hard to ride this bike in boots and Lyndal is demonstrating this coz there aren't any photos of me doing this hel yeh!


Ryan's throne



LAN PARTY!!

All the hotties in the world!

Broz!
Bella

Ro just turned up and she has heaps of ritalin! Webber wants to make it explicit that he is not going to have any!!

Surliness City

What up dudes? Here are some things. The first thing is that Virgin America lets you send messages to anyone on the plane. Hot huh? Lyndal did not use this feature to pick up dudes she just sent me messages but you all know how ridiculous Lyndal is. The second thing is that Lyndal and I are getting more masculine. A ha no we are serious our body hair is getting darker and coarser. Way to go hormones in America! But really this is distressing HFCS is pretty gross but hopefully won't make us into men.

Some quotes??

Webber: How will you make your menstrual art now?
------
Shara: What is that thing that Sam likes where you run up the walls?
Lyndal: What... Spiderman?
(I was talking about parkour)
------
Shara: Man you should have seen the arrivals hall when I got to Heathrow! There was like 450 people lined up in this zig zag formation
Lyndal: Wait.....in Sizzler or Pizza Hut??
------
I LIKE IT!!!!! - Webber on Peter's moustache
------

Some reviews????

Food Review: Days 3 and 4

Carl’s Jr Burger w/ Guacamole
This burger was awesome until I found out it has 85 grams of fat in it! Madness! Lyndal said it tasted like a taco on a bun or something but I dunno about that. It could be greatly improved by jut having avocado on it instead of guacamole which is just an excuse to add weird stuff like stabilisers etc.
Rating: 4 stars
Contains buttsauce: absolutely

Carl’s Jr Chips
These were big chunky chips, cooked with the skin still on them. They were pretty great.
Rating: 4 stars
Contains MSG? Unknown

Quizno’s Traditional Sub
This is pretty good. Everytime I go in this place the server totally ignores what I say and just hands me anything and I enjoy that. Today I asked for a small sub and got a regular so I had to throw out half of it because they put so much crap on their rolls that they end up weighing about half a kilo. I think there is a yellow capsicum that may or may not be on drugs in this roll so DELICIOUS!
Fat: 156 grams (probably)
Contains MSG? Hope so!

Toll House Icecream Sandwich – Mint
Lyndal: I was mega excited about ice cream sandwiches and picked out this sandwich with mint ice cream and round pseudo-brownie biscuits. This was entirely delicious but I had to give the last quarter to Webber because I was way too full after dinner. Tasted like a frozen mint slice.
Rating: 5 stars
Contains HFCS? Forgot to look! Likely.

Toll House Icecream Sandwich – Cookie
This tasted like an arse end of a Maxibon. That’s not really a bad thing.
Rating: 4 stars
Contains HFCS? Probably

Food Review: Day 5

In-n-Out Double Double Burger
Tasted like a hamburger
Rating: 3 stars

In-n-Out Fries
These were cut behind the counter and then immediately cooked which was cool, but the flavour was nothing to write home about.
Rating: 3 stars
Contains MSG? Unknown

Juji Fruits
Juji fruits are basically soft fruit jubes. They were okay but not particularly memorable. Hard and fruit jubes in New Zealand shit all over these.
Rating: 3 stars
Contains HFCS? Yes


Hotel Review: New York
Pretty standard room with two queen beds, but this one has a refrigerator AND free internet that goes pretty fast AND free breakfast! It is also close to the subway but I don’t know how much good that will do us because public transport in New York is terrible. The cups they give us are paper because we are not to be trusted with plastic. There is a fancy airconditioning unit that seems to be heating the room very well. On the other hand, the dude at the front desk couldn’t work out my name even after I spelled it out and gave him my ID which had my name WRITTEN RIGHT THERE, the room has curtains that don’t close, and once again the room has no lights, only lamps. The view from our window is of the subway which passes by frequently. This is noisy BTW.
Rating: 4 stars
Cost: $105 per night (4 people)

Hotel Review: Las Vegas
We upgraded this room for an extra $5 or so because we heard the basic room just gave you a view of the wall. We ended up getting a pretty good view of the arse end of the Las Vegas strip and the massive tower which is the hotel’s gimmick. At the base of the tower was a huge electronic billboard that was pretty much directly outside our window. A significant proportion of the advertised products involved stripping. Anyway the room itself was reasonably fine; two queen beds, a tv, a bathroom and a bucket for ice. No wifi though. The hotel also included a casino and a McDonald’s which probably not many other hotels can claim, except for every other hotel in Vegas. The check-in procedure was incredibly inefficient and we had to wait in a massive line for about half an hour, so that was annoying. Also the plug on the sink in the bathroom was broken and took me ages to fix.
Rating: 3 stars
Cost: $66 per night (3 people)

Hotel Review: Los Angeles
Well in this hotel the toilet broke! Fancy that, I don’t! It had kinda reliable wireless but tragically the ice machine would only give you three ice cubes. This was not the sexy icy welcome to America that Webber expected! The best part about this hotel was the room across from ours. It had no handle as it looked like it had been broken into at some stage and they just stuck a metal plate on top. If you opened the door it just looked like a normal hotel room but OBVIOUSLY SOMETHING REALLY FREAKY HAD HAPPENED THERE AT SOME STAGE. I said to Lyndal that it was like a Murakami novel and if we went in there (this was at 3am) we would meet someone real weird and it would be scary but interesting. We did not do this as we are not protagonists in a Murakami novel (sadly).
Rating: 3 Stars
Cost: $107 per night (3 people)

Sleeptalking update

Shara just rolled over and told me "I've got a face in my head"

Addendum

Oh also it is really freakin cold

Day 7: Ro

We ended up all waking up at about 2:45am which was good because neither of the alarms we set went off. After packing we left the casino which was as full at 4am as it had been at 5pm the previous day. Ridiculous. Some old scary dude at the casino cracked onto Lyndal by saying she “made a hiker sweat”, and I am pretty sure she loved that.

While we were on the shuttle to the airport one of the other drivers rang through on the radio and reported that “some dirty hooker stole my pizza! We are living in desperate times… what is the world coming to”. So that was pretty great. We had to wait around the airport for like two hours because the shuttle company is so ridiculous but the airport had free wifi so that was somewhat okay. I almost got some Cinnabon to try but the line was too huge. One of these days Cinnabon!!!! Lyndal complained that even thinking about food was making her feel sick, and then immediately said “I’m going to see what Sausage Kingdom have to eat”. She is real weird. Also I am amused that there exists a place called Sausage Kingdom. I played a Star Wars slot machine at the airport but won nothing. Curse you Chewie!

Our flight to New York took fuckin ages to board because people are dumb and like to stand around in the aisles picking their noses. Also there were heaps of frat boys sitting around us who kept farting and telling each other about the time they totally pissed their pants on a plane bro and playing Nickelback or some other shit really loud through their headphones. There were also some Australian bogans who complained loudly and repeatedly because they were forced to check in their massive bags instead of carry them on the plane. So that was nice. We got into New York about half an hour ahead of schedule but it took a million hours to deplane (their terminology) and get our bags so it kind of put us behind again.

When we got to New York we found that one of the trains we were meant to be taking to the hotel just wasn’t running at all and a bus had replaced it. So we got on a mega crowded bus with massive packs as well as hand luggage and had the worst bus trip ever. The driver was awful and stopped suddenly a whole bunch of times, and forced other cars to reverse in order to avoid being hit by him. In the end to get from the airport (in Queens) to our hotel (also in Queens) we had to take three trains and a bus. It took three hours. Public transport in New York is the worst. After we managed to check in (which was reasonably difficult as no one in America seems to understand what my name is; I have to spell it) Shara and Lyndal fell asleep and have not woken up since. We were meant to be going to ASSSCAT tonight but I think it’s probably in our strategic interests to be megaboring tonight in order to not die of tiredness tomorrow. We get to see Ro soon though, I am excited!!!

Food Review: Day 6

Red Hot Cheetos

I am reusing this picture but I actually never got to eat these (and Lyndal is real cute, amirite fellas?) and I ended up buying a different bag of various red hot snacks (pretzels etc). I only ate a cheeto though. This was way way too hot for me. Australian supermarkets don’t have a lot of really spicy snacks (unless you go to an Asian supermarket or something), so I am not used to it and can’t handle much. This made my mouth hurt, so I gave the packet to Ryan, who gladly ate the rest.

Rating: 1 star
Contains MSG? Probably

Carl’s Jr Chicken Strips

No picture sorry

These were pretty mediocre. They were undercooked and soggy, and the meat wasn’t great. I did not finish them.

Rating: 2 stars
Contains MSG? Probably

Carl’s Jr Fish Sandwich

No picture sorry

Tasted like a fish burger you’d get from a fish & chip shop, 2 small battered pieces of fish with lettuce and tomato. Pretty tasty, would eat again.

Rating: 4 stars
Contains MSG? Probably not

Soda Review: Day 6

Fanta (Orange)

No picture sorry

I tasted this briefly in Carl’s Jr. It tasted pretty similar but marginally inferior to Australian Fanta. Don’t know if it holds up if you get a whole bottle though.

Rating: 3 stars
Contains HFCS? Yes

Dr Pepper

No picture sorry

Just tastes like Diet Dr Pepper.

Rating: 1 star
Contains HFCS? Yes

Fanta (Raspberry)

No picture sorry

I only had one mouthful of this but it was unbearable. I seem to have blocked the experience from my mind but I can vaguely remember it tasting like bleach.

Rating: 1 star
Contains HFCS? Yes

Carl’s Jr Oreo Shake

No picture sorry

This shake has like 39 grams of fat in it, and 25 grams of saturated fat. It just tasted like a vanilla milkshake with Oreos in it. Not bad, but not fantastic. Certainly not worth 25 grams of saturated fat. By the way Carl’s Jr milkshakes are “handscooped”, which I can only assume means that the employees scoop the icecream into your container with their bare hands. WHY WOULD YOU ADVERTISE THIS, CARL’S JR? ALSO WHAT IS WITH YOUR NAME? THE APOSTROPHE ESS IS IN THE WRONG SPOT.

Rating: 3 stars
Contains HFCS: Probably

Soda Review: Day 5

Olde English

No picture sorry

This is the malt liquor I bought. I picked up a 40 ounce (1.2 litre) bottle for about $2.70. The alcohol content was about 8%, so it must have had at least eight standard drinks in it. For $2.70. I thought it would taste disgusting but it really tastes exactly the same as any non-fancy Australian beer. But with twice the alcohol content. And it costs $2.70. If they sold this in Australia I would drink it exclusively. Well done America.

Rating: 4 stars (5 stars when factoring in price)
Contains HFCS? Unknown

In-n-Out Chocolate Shake

No picture sorry

This tasted okay, but it wasn’t very chocolatey at all. It tasted more like a vanilla shake. Nothing wrong with it though.

Rating: 3 stars
Contains HFCS? Probably

In-n-Out Neopolitan Shake

No picture sorry

This is supposed to be vanilla, chocolate and strawberry, but really it just tasted like strawberry. I kind of hate the artificial flavour in strawberry milkshakes so I didn’t like this much. Take note: this is part of the ‘secret’ menu at In-n-Out! You have to know about it to order it.

Rating: 2 stars
Contains HFCS? Probably

Soda Review: Day 3 and 4

Coke (Mexican)

We bought this because Coke bottled in Mexico does not contain high fructose corn syrup. Also the bottle was real awesome. The Coke was actually really great. It tasted a bit like Australian Coke that had been slightly watered down. I found this a refreshing taste. It also had an aftertaste of a weird kind of spice at first, but after a few mouthfuls that went away. This was enjoyable to drink even though we drank it at room temperature. I would say it was as good as Australian Coke, but for different reasons.

Rating: 4 stars
Contains HFCS? No

Jarritos (Fruit Punch)

This is Mexican soda we managed to find at the supermarket. This one was fruit punch flavour which seems to be reasonably popular in America. I’m not sure what it’s supposed to taste like, but given the few fruit punch drinks we have had I think what they are going for is cough syrup. I have to say they nail it pretty well. This was much better than the fruit punch Vitamin Water, but I still did not think it was particularly great. I think Shara and Lyndal thought it tasted like sherbert and was okay though.

Rating: 2 stars
Contains HFCS? No

Churrito (Guava)

I thought this flavour was much better. I can’t remember exactly how I would describe the taste now, but I remember quite liking it. Obviously not that memorable though. Shara and Lyndal didn’t like it.

Rating: 3 stars
Contains HFCS? No

Pepsi

Tastes like Australian Pepsi.

Rating: 2 stars
Contains HFCS? Yes

Sweetened Raspberry Nestea

No picture sorry

Shara got this at Carl’s Jr because we had tried all of the other sodas they had and they were disgusting. This was actually reasonably good. Still probably way too sweet and nothing like tea, but better than, say, American Coke. Just really tasted like raspberry cordial.

Rating: 3 stars
Contains HFCS? Probably

Sam Adams Spring Ale

No picture sorry

I really liked this. I am no good at describing beer but it seemed like a pretty light beer with a vaguely spicy flavour? I thought it was real refreshing and one of the best beers I have had. I drank all of the bottles Peter had.

Rating: 5 stars
Contains HFCS? I hope not

Sam Adams Winter Lager

No picture sorry

This was a heavier beer that tasted more chocolatey. I didn’t like it as much because all beers like this (do you call them full beers?) taste kind of like peat to me.

Rating: 2 stars
Contains HFCS? Who knows

Some weird beer Ryan loves

No picture sorry

Ryan wanted me to try this because I said I liked the other beer that was reasonable spicy. This one was way way spicier and full of “cilantro” (lol). It wasn’t horrible, but it also wasn’t particularly nice. Sorry Ryan!

Rating: 2 stars
Contains HFCS? Unknown

Mountain Dew Blue slurpee

No picture sorry

Lyndal got this because she thought it would be the safest slurpee flavour, given that we had already tried the blue Mountain Dew soda. This was totally awful in incredibly varied ways. The main flavour was just sugar but it had an aftertaste that kind of tasted like vomit. Lyndal only bought a tiny cup but she ended up throwing most of it away.

Rating: 1 star
Contains HFCS? Absolutely it does

Diet Dr Pepper

No picture sorry

Bill got a “double gulp” of this, which is 64 ounces (1.9 litres). It cost him like $2. He gave me a taste and it was terrible in ways that defy description. It mostly tasted like American Coke with a bunch of cinnamon thrown into it. Why would someone think that is a good idea for a thing?

Rating: 1 star
Contains HFCS? Yes?

Day 6: Gay news

We woke up v. tired and Ryan drove us to San Francisco Airport. The airport was pretty great and Shara and Lyndal got cracked onto by a jovial elderly TSA employee. Our flight to Las Vegas got delayed like five times and then ended up departing at the scheduled time anyway. The flight was amazing! It was on Virgin America which I think is pretty new so they had this plane with great entertainment facilities. You could play Doom on the headrest! So I did that while Shara slept and Lyndal probably listened to Jack Johnson or something. The woman in front of us was thinking about paying $7 to watch Beverly Hills Chihuahua on the plane. The in-flight review gave it four stars! Amazing. Anyway the flight only went for an hour or so which was pretty enjoyable.

By the time we got out of the airport and had caught a shuttle to our hotel it was like 5:30. The shuttle company was ridiculous and said that for a 6:55am flight we would have to be picked up at 4:00am, which would mean that we would have to wake up at about 3. This combined with the fact that we got little sleep in San Jose meant it was unfeasible to go to a show in Las Vegas, which was a shame. The hotel room was pretty great though. We stayed in the Stratosphere which has a McDonald’s INSIDE THE HOTEL! LOL America. Our room gave us a pretty great view of the big ol’ tower outside the hotel and various billboards advertising strippers and such. The toilet was also pretty great, it flushed real powerful like we were on a plane or our waste was being jettisoned into space. There was no way my poo was getting away. On the way to get dinner Lyndal played the slots and won $2.50 from an investment of $1. Sucked in casino! Lyndal tried to get me lost in Las Vegas but luckily I figured out where we were going. We saw some dudes in wedding gear taking glamour photos outside the casino, which was pretty classy.

After dinner Shara slept, Lyndal wrote about boys in her diary and I took a mega relaxing bath and finished the first of my seven books. We went to bed at like 9 o’clock. Pretty boring night in Las Vegas, sorry dudes!

Day 5: You gotta live your life

We woke up late in San Jose since we were up until 2am. Bill had to get up at 5am though and Ryan and Peter went to pump some iron in the morning. When they got back we all went to lunch and then to supermarkets, which is our favourite activity. We went to Trader Joe’s first which everyone seems to recommend so I thought would have the most normal food, but it was still real real weird. We bought a bunch of supplies and then Lyndal and Shara went to Safeway. I’m not sure how weird that experience turned out to be.

When we got home Shara and Lyndal made the Americans some caramel slice, since slices don’t exist in America (WTF), and Peter and I went to go buy some beer, and then drank as much of a 40 of malt liquor as we could (review forthcoming).

In the evening we all drove to San Francisco in two cars (Bill and Ryan have tiny cars) to see Aziz Ansari. This time Bill did not get lost once! He did get yelled at by a surly San Franciscan though, I thought they were meant to be friendly? I am disillusioned! Anyway the show was great. Wes and his girlfriend Lisa met us at the show, which was awesome. When we got seated we looked over and noticed that Eugene Mirman was just chillin by the bar. Bill talked to him and it turned out he was just “welp, maybe I’ll warm up the show”, so we got to see two great comedians for real cheap. We got to see Nick Kroll too, although I had never heard of him. Lyndal was confounded and enraged by the concept of a two drink minimum. I just got drunk instead. After the show we gave Aziz a bottle of Lift we had brought from Australia because he mentioned in his blog that he loves it. When he saw us waiting with it in the line he got real excited and kind of ignored the dudes in front of us. We then had some group photoz at historic location 1 Maritime Plaza (not historic) and then Bill got lost several times on the way back to the car (Bill is hilarious). We went to Fisherman’s Wharf and proceeded to go to a souvenir store and spend all our time picking out marijuana-related merchandise and saying “hey Lyndal, you want this”. We are pretty funny. We split up again to drive home. Lyndal and Shara went with Peter and Ryan to drive very fast up and down San Francisco’s hills, and I went with Bill, Wes and Lisa to drop them home and fill up with petrol. Petrol stations in America let you pay at the pump and include that latch on the nozzle that means you don’t have to stand there holding the trigger like a chump. Take note Australia!

Lisa and Wes came back to San Jose to rock out and eat caramel slice. We did not get much sleep on this night either!

Webz after flashing his junk at Las Vegas

Lyndal is manic

Lyndal and I cannot stop swearing! Sorry San Jose guys, we are so
uncouth :(

Lyndal loves Neapolitan stuff!

Dudez

I took photos with proper camera I'll post those later!

You need to boot him

Nooooooooooooooooooow!

We met Aziz

And gave him Lift! Hope he liked it. Also I am a crazy person just
popping my head in the photo o yeh!!

dingz

Webber flashed his dong to all of Las Vegas this morning via the window

Something in this picture is wrong

Guess

Day 4: We know the way to San Jose

(Lyndal wrote most of this)

I think these dudes here all think I'm a massive nerd, they have all been up and about and I am sitting on the laptop.

Yesterday LACMA was rad, but we only had just over an hour to explore it before we needed to catch a flight, the place was huge and you probably need 2 visits to really see everything but we saw a photographic exhibition and the huge 'broad modern art' building with the longest escalator ever. Webber enjoyed Jeff Koons, he thinks Koons is a troll and is just in it for the lolz.

endlessmike very kindly drove us to the airport despite the weird signage, checking in was bizarre however. This was our first experience with US airport security check in procedures so next time we really need to be more organised. And throw out EMPTY water bottles. In case they have bombs in them?

The flight was the best ever! Less than half full, really short flight and SKYMALL CATALOGUES.
For those who are uninitiated, SkyMall is best summed up by these articles by the famous Bill Hanstock - part one, part two and part three.

Speaking of whom, we are currently residing with Bill, Ryan and Peter (and the gorgeous Bella) and rocking out downtown San Jose.

Peter was making dinner so Bill took us down the road to the 7-11 where we became seriously excited by the vast selection of ice cream sandwiches


Shara and Webber bought 680mL cans of drink for 99¢ and I decided to brave a small Mountain Dew Volt slushee because of all the flavours there it was the least scary ('Gridiron' flavour is too terrifying) but it tasted foul and I just threw it out.
One of the more disgusting looking drinks was 'Tomato and Clam Chowder' and THIS SHOULD NEVER BE AVAILABLE.


Bill also bought a 64 oz (1.9 litre) Double Gulp of Diet Dr Pepper, which should probably also never be available. It tasted awful. Peter made some awesome awesome tandori chicken with chutney and mint and "cilantro" yoghurt, and then we drank beer and discussed ways in which America is unlike Australia.

LACMA

Hey dudes we are at LACMA but they don't open until 12 WTF!! Anyway
they have fast wireless so that cool. We gonna go look at the tar pits
aww yeah! I haven't had codeine for two weeks.

iPhone suckas

Prizes Galore

Some important things were left out of the blog. I am typing this
slowly on my iPhone so you better appreciate this!

Whilst waiting for Lyndal a dude started talking to us. He had corn
stuck in the rim of his glasses and he mumbled alot about how he was
white and his mum was white. I think he may have been lying but anyway
there was another thing but I give up blogging.

Today we saw about six smoking hot dudes and Lyndal did not kiss any
of them. Also I am ill :(

iPhone suckas

Chip update

In America salt and vinegar is considered a new flavour!

Food Review: Day 2

Starbucks Bagel

This bagel was awesome! I think maybe because it was mainly full of butter. It tasted exactly like croissants! America does bagels well.

Rating: 4 Stars
Contains MSG? No

Twinkies

Lyndal: An American classic food, I was excited to try this. A major disappointment. The cake was ok, but the mock cream was disgusting. Far sweeter than mock cream I have had in packaged cakes before, and worse than the cream on top of the Jack in the Box shake.

Rating: 1 star
Contains HFCS? Yes
Contains MSG? No

Donettes (Chocolate)

Lyndal: I chose 'frosted' (vs. 'powdered sugar' and the terrifying 'crunchy'), but these tiny donuts were just dipped in weird sort of compound cooking chocolate. The actual donut was on par with a supermarket donut in Australia, Webber said the chocolate coating was also the same. Enjoyable, but very sweet. Only eat one at a time.

Rating: 3 stars
Contains HFCS? No
Contains MSG? No

Pinks Hot Dog (Guacamole)

This was good I got it all over my face!

Rating: 4 Stars - Shara, 5 stars - Lyndal
Contains MSG? Probably not

Chicken Teriyaki

Shara and I got this at the Korean joint we went to for dinner. It came with combination tofu soup, which apparently means tofu soup plus a whole bunch of things you are supposed to put in it including a big ol fish? The chicken teriyaki was real good, there was a whole bunch of chicken and the rice was also good. I didn't really have much of the soup because it was bubbling hot when we got it, and then by the time it had cooled down I had filled up on chicken. The bit I had was nice, but I'm not a huge fan of this falling-apart tofu. The tiny bit of vegies/kimchi I had seemed nice, but I was too full and too scared to try egg and fish. Shara said the chicken was good but she thinks it made her real sick, so she is sad about that. Oh also they served the rice out of stone jars and put hot water in the jars, and then came back ten minutes later and served us hot rice water??? I didn't drink it in case it was secretly for washing your hands or decoration or something. This would have been much easier if Jono and Jo had have taken us to Korean in Sydney first!!

Rating: 4 stars
Contains MSG? No

Dumpling Soup

Lyndal: Same soup as everyone else, there were 3 meat wontons in total which were very tasty. The tofu was the kind I like, very soft like the stuff you get in miso soup. I braved cracking a raw egg into my soup but it kind of just disappeared and melded with all the tofu. Was also given some rice? Anyway this was great, better than wonton soup I have had previously which is usually just clear broth.

Rating: 4 stars
Contains MSG? No

Salad

endlessmike got this one. This was an incredibly huge salad. endlessmike said it was reasonably good, the dressing was apparently quite lemony and tasty. It did just seem to have fancy lettuce, tofu, olives and carrot though? So maybe a bit boring. I am estimating her rating. Lyndal and Shara had some of the tofu in this and said it was not enjoyable. Shara said it was like egg bread covered in sugar.

Rating: 3 stars
Contains MSG? No

Weird Dried Fish Thing

Lyndal: Arrived warm. Picked some flesh off the fish, ended up with a bone stuck in my throat. Meat was tasty enough. Nobody was sure what you were actually meant to do with this guy in relation to the soup.

Rating: 1 star
Contains MSG? No